It’s never my place to rush people into something they aren’t ready to see.
Acknowledging red flags and accepting them are two very hard things to do, and I know the mental anguish that is wrestling with the truth.
That said, it is my responsibility to educate.
Not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like is one of the number one reasons we justify abusive behavior and stay in dysfunction.
Yes, we.
I have been in the same boat as you, thought the same thoughts, and compartmentalized similar inexcusable behavior.
Because of my lack of education of what a relationship should be, I fell into a deeply codependent hole padded with an addiction to chaos.
I thought relationships had to be hard.
I thought chasing after affection from my partner was normal.
I thought feeling insane highs and deeply dark lows was just what you signed up for.
In moving through my healing it became evident that my definition of a relationship needed amending.
So here are facts I know for certain:
RED FLAG: If your partner is unable to take accountability, they will manipulate you in order to survive in the relationship.
GREEN FLAG: In a healthy relationship, both people hold curiosity for their own experience and that of their partner. They seek to understand and repair ruptures, not deflect, blame, and avoid conflict.
RED FLAG: If you have had your feelings used against you or spun to believe your feelings aren’t valid, you learn that you aren’t safe to express yourself.
GREEN FLAG: In a healthy relationship, there is a foundation of emotional and physical safety. You trust your partner and can bring your feelings and needs to the table. Even in disagreements there is a basis of respect for the other’s experience.
Experiencing either of these red flags in their absolute expression is abuse.
Psychological and emotional abuse is insidious, confusing, and damaging.
And there is NO part of you that deserves it.
No matter what part you play in the dysfunction, abuse is NEVER acceptable.
Holding a mirror to these truths may be hard to see.
But I see YOU.
If any of these red flags ring true for you, I have a free resource that can help you gain clarity around your situation and guide you into a place of empowerment.
Reach out for the resource and support:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: @lucid.living.with.bre
Facebook: Lucid Living with Bre
Website: www.brewolta.com
Soul Hugs,
Bre