Talking on the proverbial rock bottom is a subject of much debate in recovery circles. There’s a persistent narrative that before anyone can change, they need to hit it. To feel the weight of consequences crushing their spirit and guiding them towards a light of redemption.
What is a rock bottom? It’s the place where a new foundation can be laid. The place of going no deeper. A place where the real change can begin. The absolute lowest point of your human condition.
I’m here to hit you with a big spoiler: the bottom doesn’t exist. This can be good or bad news, depending on your current situation. There’s two ways to conceptualize this idea:
- I can always go lower
- I can stop digging
Unfortunately, both are true because pain is a relative experience. We all experience it in different ways. One person’s brush with an action that takes them out of alignment with their true selves may be enough to shift focus and regroup, while the other person may miss the warning signs and trudge a little deeper. More than that, we all have a myriad of motivations that push us towards making change. I know plenty of clients who’s “rock bottom” looks different from their peers, their families, or their partners.
So let’s take a look at #2 and identify ways we can attune to our internal alarm system for change.
“If the bottom is when I stop digging - am I ready to stop?”
Use this list as a guide for warning signs you’re ready to stop:
- My quality of life is becoming affected
- I no longer find sustained pleasure in the activity or state of mind that is pushing me towards the bottom
- My family & friends don’t seem to understand me or my motivations
- It seems like everyone I talk to is against me
- My finances, work, or relationships are a consistent strain
- I am feeling worthless and shameful
- I’m becoming tired of the way I’m acting, and often feel like I do things that don’t align with who I really am
- I want to feel relief, and can’t seem to find it anywhere
- It’s becoming hard to sustain the activities or state of mind I’m in
- I can’t remember that last time I’ve felt grounded
- I want to change, but it seems too hard
- I keep waiting for the “other shoe to drop”
Do these sound familiar? If they do, it may be a cue you’re ready to stop engaging in a certain behavior, or want to reach out for support.
Remember - the bottom doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some people, a physical bottom may be a primary motivator, like the loss of a job, relationship, or a certain event. For others, a spiritual or internal bottom may be more appropriate, such as “losing” yourself, compromising your morals, or feeling constantly disconnected from who you are.
“I’m ready to stop digging - where do I start?”
If you’re ready to put the shovel down, the first thing I recommend is seeking out the support of your loved ones. Chances are they’ve been waiting for you to put the shovel down as well. Find as much support as you can and hang on, it’s going to be a bumpy road.
Second, embrace the uncertainty that’s about to come your way. The bumpy road means rolling and being curious with a lot of big feelings that often feel overwhelming and uncomfortable. Don’t run from that: sit with it, distract from it, ask questions about it. But don’t run.
Third, seek help from a trusted mental health provider to guide you through these new changes. This can be a therapist, a coach, a psychiatric provider, or a treatment center (and more!).
The antidote for hitting the bottom, for when you stop digging, is not sitting on the floor in your shame and sorrow. It’s looking up and grabbing the hand that’s been waiting for you to stop.
Alexa Cordry, LSW, LCADC
You can follow more of Alexa's insight on Instagram @yoursadtherapist
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