Asking for help is hard. In the culture we exist in there’s a glorification of handling things on your own, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, and toughing out the storm. When it comes to mental health support, this culture becomes all the more illuminated.
How do you know when you're supposed to wave the white flag and ask for support? It’s different for everyone, and brings us to the question: will I feel the bottom when it falls out on me, or is the bottom when I stop digging?
In my own work, these five barometers have been a touchstone for help-seeking. By no means are these the only things that have us seeking help, but almost every client I’ve worked with has fallen into one of these categories. Take a read and consider if any of these applies to you:
- Feeling hopeless, numb or disconnected: A glaze has settled over your life. You are no longer engaging in activities that once brought you joy, and your movement has slowed. Feelings that joy may never resurface are heavy, and efforts to find that joy leave you exhausted. These are some of the tell tale signs of depression. Depression can often be referred to as an imbalance of chemicals in the brain - but it’s not as simple as that. Poor emotional regulation skills, stressful life events, genetics and trauma all play a part in what makes up this symptomatology. If you’re feeling the fog run over you, it’s time to ask for help. You don’t have to fight through this alone.
- Continued Trouble in Interpersonal Relationships: Do you find that your life is marked by constant arguments or trouble in your closest relationships? This can be romantic partners, family, friends and colleagues. I think this category is the most interesting as it can reflect externalization of your own pain. The saying goes, “If everyone around you is treating you poorly, you may be treating them poorly”. Of course, it’s never as simple as this. We may be stuck in toxic pairings, abusive relationships, or unhealed family dynamics - all of which beg for an unbiased mental health professional to provide help. That being said, poor interpersonal skills across all relationships can be a result of not learning throughout life how to effectively mitigate conflict, assertively communicate or accept constructive criticism. If you find every relationship you engage with is a source of conflict, it’s time to seek help.
- Somatic Symptoms affecting Functioning: Somatic means “relating to the body”. Interestingly enough, those with little exposure to mental health care in their communities, or a normalization of mental health care in their cultures, will most often see their symptoms manifest as physical symptoms. When physical issues are ruled out by a primary care doctor, they may refer those with chronic somatic complaints to mental health care. Think of some of the physical symptoms that come with anxiety & depression: racing heart, rise in blood pressure, panic attacks, fatigue, loss of concentration, etc. If you are noticing physical symptoms that have been ruled out by a PCP as a medical issue, mental health care may provide you with some answers you weren’t considering before.
- Trouble Adjusting to the Changes: This sounds so simple - don’t we all struggle with adjustment to change? Short answer: yes. Long answer: no one adjusts the same way. One of the most common diagnoses given at the beginning of therapy (as insurance companies require us to diagnose right away) is Adjustment Disorder. Adjustment Disorder is diagnosed with identification of major life stressors, symptoms, and how this affects your functioning. A good amount of people seeking help are brought to mental health care by a major event that gives some clarity to the idea they need help. If you are finding yourself in the middle of a life stressor that feels impossible to navigate, now may be the time to seek help.
- Preventative Mental Health Care: Arguably the most important topic of this article. Refer back to the first paragraph: is the bottom when we stop digging? Our society encourages regular physical healthcare, it’s expected you go see your doctor at least once a year to make sure you are in good health. Why can’t that be the same with mental health care? If you want to gain insight on behavior, find out what mental health care is all about, or challenge your thinking - now is the time to seek help! I highly recommend familiarizing yourself with the mental health care system before a crisis occurs. Go if you're curious, if you want to explore yourself deeper, or you’ve heard good things. When life stressors do occur, you will already have the tools to handle them.
When should you seek help? Right now! There are no special qualifications needed to engage in taking care of your mental health. If you’re thinking of trying a coach, a therapist, or support group, the sky's the limit. You deserve to have your mental health be a priority. And remember, asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do.
Alexa Cordry, LSW, LCADC
You can follow more of Alexa's insight on Instagram @yoursadtherapist
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