The Gift of Humility

Confidence, being self-assured, and knowing where you stand in the context of your values and goals, all play a huge role in you forging your own path toward success. We need these qualities to be fostered and grown, tenderly, in order to aim our sights towards growth.

But there’s two sides to this coin. Yes, we need to be confident and believe in ourselves, and we also need to be open to the experience of humility and ego death. Some call it being “right-sized”, that is, being brought down to see the true impact of our role in the world.

Humility is defined as “a modest or low view of one’s own importance”. I have to say, I hate that definition. The experience of humility, in my experience, doesn’t mean taking a low view of yourself, but rather allowing yourself to experience the impact of where you can grow, where you can better, and how you can allow yourself to embody feelings that humans are prone to shying away from.

Ego death, similarly, are moments in time where we lose our sense of self-identity, and are deeply tied to humility. We’ve all experienced ego death multiple times throughout our lives: the loss of a loved one, not getting the job you’ve interviewed for, or experiencing romantic rejection can be a catalyst for these experiences. Spiritualists have been referencing the concept of ego-death for centuries, and reference them as powerful spiritual moments to re-align with both our shadow selves (the parts we keep hidden) and our place in the world.

The kicker is, of course, that humility often feels uncomfortable. It brings up feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, and anger. Ego death and ensuing humility are often times of darkness, and knowing how to cope with, or understand the benefits of, this experience will situate you to embrace humility for the gift that it is.

So how is humility a gift? Take a read below for top ways humility will not only enrich your life, but give you a better understanding of who you are as a person.

Stronger Connection with Others

Humility gives us the ability to not only take a new opinion of ourselves, but allows us to connect more authentically with others. When we can see ourselves through a new lens, compassion and empathy for others flows more freely. Allowing ourselves to be seen as “a worker among workers” opens our ability to see the people around us, and what they can offer us, in a new way. Humility gives us the ability to take a step back from the feeling of being self-involved, and allows us to be more attuned to others.

Understand Yourself Better

In reference to ego death, losing our self-identity - while uncomfortable - offers new opportunities to take perspective on who we want to be, or are capable of being. Humility is a process of re-education. Compare it to learning about a new topic, and how absorbing new perspectives and information through education can allow us to shift our worldview. That’s the exact same internal process that humility allows us to have. It grows our self-awareness, and being able to tolerate the feelings of humility allows us to better well-adjusted in our day to day lives.

See the World More Clearly

If humility allows us to connect to others and ourselves with more compassion and freedom, it lends the same perspective to how we see the world as a whole. This might be overall with foreign affairs, or in the small world that we operate in on a day to day basis. Either way, it’s a driver for success and deep growth when we can take a more realistic view of not only how things operate, but their motivation for operation.

Creates Possibility

Humility breaks us from the idea that we have all the answers. When we can operate from a space that we know only a slice of what leads to success, we are open to endless feedback and exploration of ideas. You will meet new perspectives with a sense of curiosity, rather than defensiveness.

Allows you to Lean into your Strengths

Not only does humility allow us to see what we don’t know, but it magnifies what we do know. It gives us a true reading on the things we feel most confident with. Additionally, the trait of humility allows us to amplify our other positive qualities but emboldening them with a sense of compassion and authenticity.

Increases your Leadership Ability

No one wants a leader that knows it all. In fact, there is nothing that commands respect more than a leader who can not only admit their own mistakes, but humbly seek the feedback of those they trust. The leaders we come to respect over the years are typically the ones that foster our growth through a sense of collaboration, rather than the ones’ the bark orders.

Accountability

Easily the most essential component of growth, accountability cannot flourish without a sense of humility. Being able to take ownership over our mistakes, strategize for change, and come to ourselves and our team with new solutions based on ownership will be a catalyst for our growth.

Going back to the kicker: humility feels rough. It runs the risk of pushing you overboard. Most of the pitfalls that occur with those experiencing humility is when we use it as a tool to beat ourselves up. Don’t take the bait. Humility and ego death are a natural part of the human experience that allows us to continue to grow and take shape. Always, always, pair your humility experience with doses of self-compassion. One doesn’t work without the other. Additionally, whip out your coping skills in moments of humility so you can move through tough feelings as they occur.

As always, rooting for you.

Alexa Cordry, LSW, LCADC

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